


Falling Deeper

by Greyhound



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 02:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4859036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greyhound/pseuds/Greyhound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noiz knows he loves Mizuki, and he also knows he loves Koujaku, though his love for each man feels slightly different.</p>
<p>Drabble, requested by SenseiFourEyes on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Deeper

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bennyboi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bennyboi/gifts).



> Okay so first of all I'm just gonna note this isn't canon universe, it's an AU
> 
> Also this feels?? Weirdly personal?? To be fair it was written on my ex's birthday and I was feeling things about a few situations in my life sO I decided to cope with it by writing this
> 
> Finally it was speed-written in around an hour and I haven't even looked it over since so there's that

The first time you ever tell anyone else you're in love, it's in hushed German words to your younger brother whilst sitting across from one of the men you were speaking of. You're not sure whether Mizuki understands, because whether or not the man knows any German, however basic, is a mystery to you; it's just a subject that's never come up in conversation. However it's fairly obvious that you're talking about him, what with the way you gesture toward him on the other battered couch, and then the way Theo glances over at him, eyes filled with some sort of happiness as he nods in understanding. 

Mizuki shoots back a small smile, edged with a sort of nervousness which confirms that yes, he picked up that you were talking about him. Of course he fucking did. He'd have to be blind not to, and Mizuki is hardly oblivious. Mizuki is observant. Mizuki is caring.

You are so fucking in love with Mizuki.

He knows. You knew he knows. And that's all well and good but you two are definitely not the only ones in this mess of an equation. The man holding the other half of your heart is a mess of passion, who you'd spent 6 months insulting and then 6 months hitting on, before whatever brief sorting out of whatever this relationship was went down. You're in love with Koujaku too, as is Mizuki. Perhaps in a different way, that was how you love Koujaku. You're not sure why. But maybe that was how things were meant to be; maybe nobody feels love for two people in the same way. 

It's with Theo that you try to voice that, once Mizuki had left and the two of you had migrated to the kitchen in search of something to eat (and what a good host you were, heating up a microwave dinner for your little brother). He hums, mulling this over before he speaks.  
"Well, how do you love each of them? How does it feel different?"

It makes you fucking freeze. You can't explain. You never can. Not to yourself and definitely not to your little brother, who's travelled all this way just to come see you and end up immersed in your relationship. You hadn't wanted that, you just wanted to spend some time with the younger brother that you seldom see, whilst keeping your own dumb musing as far away from him as possible. Things never go as planned. 

He seems to take note of the way your brow creases, though, and he backs away from the subject. The microwave pings and you pull out the bowl, only half heeding Theo's warning of "don't burn yourself on my behalf!" and snatching a fork off of the countertop, sticking it into the microwave curry and holding it out to him. 

As he eats, Theo returns to easygoing chatter, mere small talk, and you note how he avoids the subjects of your boyfriends and of how things are for him at home, sitting on the couch with his knees drawn up so as to balance the bowl between his thighs and his chest.

Theo leaves the day after that. Both Koujaku and Mizuki come out to see him off, and he mentions what an honor it was to meet them, how he feels his older brother is in capable hands.   
"I'll be back to see you next time I can get a weekend off," He tells you, and you feel your heart tighten at this, at the weary note in his voice. The brother you'd only recently reconnected with, several years younger than you and who you only remember from your childhood as a few brief glances of strawberry blonde hair and the faint voice from the other side of the door, who had an entire company resting on his shoulders. 

Whilst you were nothing more than the runaway fuck up who was struggling with the simple concept of love.

Simple, perhaps, but not conventional in your case.

You don't accompany Theo to the station. He's old enough, you decide, and there's no need to prolong goodbyes. The three of you watch him walk down the street, and even continue to look for several moments after he's out of sight.

Then you all duck inside without a word.

Koujaku takes one sofa, Mizuki the other, and you find yourself sprawled out on the floor. One of the bangles you wear about your wrists is balanced in your fingers as you fiddle with the studs, pressing fingertips into the gaps and wondering what it must be like to feel such a thing. Your earlier conversation with Theo plays on your mind. How did you love each of them?

It's Koujaku who asks the question hanging in the air.  
"What's wrong, Noiz?" There's a softness to his tone, and a glance to where he is perched on your couch reveals that the softness is echoed in his eyes. 

You could just say that you were missing your brother. That was true, you were always sort of down after he'd left, and rightly so, you suppose. But you love them, and you're supposed to trust your loved ones. Maybe it would get it off your mind. Maybe they could help.

Maybe.

Maybe.

You swallow it and let your mouth run.

"I love you both, but it feels different for each of you. Fuck, it's been bothering me, and I don't know why," You almost blurt, pressing your fingertips harder into the surface of your bangle. You feel stupid. What a stupid, stupid thing to be so hung up on.   
"Do you mean you don't love us both romantically?" Koujaku asks, and the tinge of fear in his voice makes you cringe. No, that's not what you mean at all.   
"No, not that," You start, pausing to mull over what exactly you think. It's different to how you feel for Theo, what you feel for them both is definitely romantic. "It's definitely romantic. Not like how I love Theo. It just...The way I feel about you both is different?"

Mizuki hums quietly, as he tends to do so when he thinks. Your gaze rests on Koujaku, and Koujaku's rests on Mizuki.   
"I know what you mean, Noiz. Fuck, how do I phrase this?" Mizuki starts, and you turn to gaze at him, and he's been looking straight back at you presumably the whole time. The thought almost makes you smile. Almost.

Mizuki takes quite some time to think, and you hear Koujaku grumble irritably. He may be almost as observant as Mizuki - and as the quiet, insular person you are, you're thankful for it at times - but he's obviously having trouble piecing together the situation. Mizuki seems to take the grumbling as a prompt to speak.  
"I suppose the best way I can explain it is that the feeling I have towards Koujaku is warm, warm and dry and comforting, whilst the feeling I feel toward you, Noiz...It's...Dizzying, I guess. High. Fuck, I don't know," He sighs, frowning a little and biting at his bottom lip, looking down at his fingers. You can tell he's still thinking things over. Koujaku makes a small sound of understanding. 

"That's deep," Is your immediate response, as you take your own time to think things over. Koujaku lets out a short, unexpected, laugh.  
"Deep? Never heard that one before. Deep like I was in you last night, brat?" And the laughing, lilted tone and stupid joke relieves you. You're not sure why, but between Mizuki's words and Koujaku's joking, you know you will be okay. You don't need to worry. 

"I kinda meant deep as in philosophical deep, but it could always be balls deep, I mean how high are we talking?" You shoot back, looking across from Koujaku to Mizuki - and now he's smiling too.   
"No Noiz, I mean high as in high up, not drugs," Mizuki says - and now he's laughing too. You're okay. You feel love for them in different ways, and that's okay.   
"I never said anything about drugs, that was you."

They understand how you feel. Messy and unconventional, but that's okay, that's you all over. And both of them, too. And all three of you together.

You're fine to feel like this.

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting my OT3 yay??
> 
> also the prompt for this was "Noiz says the line; 'I kinda meant deep as in philosophical deep, but it could always be balls deep, I mean how high are we talking?'", which was something I said to which my friend responded 'that sounds like something Noiz would say' and promptly requested I wrote thiS LMAO


End file.
